Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
