Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
