We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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