dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
As shirtless as possible
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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