Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
