so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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