Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
