theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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