So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
