I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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