I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
