Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We had to coat check the pizza.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
