so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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