I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
