sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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