I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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