Dual....:-)
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
