So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
