I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
