You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
