I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
