a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
