just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
