I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
