Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
