You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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