Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
