you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
