he puts the penis in happiness.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
