I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
