I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
