I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
