I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
