did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
