know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
