Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
