Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
