do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
