After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
