During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize