Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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