I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
