Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
