worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
