Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
