Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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