yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
