do herpes really smell.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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