I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize