Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
