A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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