tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
