I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
