Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
