sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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