cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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