my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize