i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
