We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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