so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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