Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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