Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
