but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
