Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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