mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
