Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
