Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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