I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize