I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
