Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize