She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
