in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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