my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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