they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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