Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
