If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
