Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
